While Michael Hampton might have seemed like a normal child, the 9-year-old student at Huntington Elementary lately proved he was anything but. Michael got behavior too fucking into his science project yesterday, and let’s just say that everyone in his class got a little freaked out: This fourth-grader genuinely knows his style around an owl pellet.
Jesus, kid. Maybe merely cool it, okay? Seriously, what the hell.
Not even two minutes after his teacher passed them out, this small freak of nature had already ripped into his owl pellet, removed over half of an intact rodent skeleton, and placed the bones onto his desk. Before his other classmates had even picked up their toothpicks and put on their gloves, Michael started using his bare hands to take a rat skull out and play with it, and then proceeded to show it to his totally silent partner and explain in graphic detail how the owl probably killed it and only partially digested it.
Next, Michael laid out every single rat bone on a white sheet of printer newspaper and labeled them all perfectly. Which … yikes, dude! Even when his teacher came up to him and told him to start helping his classmates, all he did was go up to them and fucking brag about how one time he found one in his backyard with mole bones in it.
Michael, man, you gotta fucking cool it during the dissection division, yeah? Maybe get a different hobby?
Well, there’s no way around it. While no one was surprised when Michael rooted through that owl pellet 10 periods faster than everyone else in his class, you’ve got to admit that it’s just not a great looking. Here’s hoping that when the fetal animal dissection happens afterward in the year, this kid isn’t quite as knowledgeable!